If you’re getting married to someone, you’re about to share much more than a deepening romantic relationship. You’re sharing a life together, with all that entails. It might mean kids in the future, where you’re going to live, what kinds of lives you’ll lead. As you might have guessed, it will definitely mean sharing a lot more of your financial life. It’s a step that people, especially those that have never lived together, always get caught off guard by. But a few conversations now can you a lot of headaches in the future.
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Full disclosure
This is where you’re going to face the most embarrassment on either side of the equation, so actually starting off with it can be a great ice-breaker. Find a delicate way to broach the subject of debts, past and present. Be a secure presence, taking on the attitude that you will both be in this together. Going into a deeper relationship only to be hit by the implications of a debt you didn’t know about can feel like a betrayal, so it’s important to have this talk above all else.
Money personalities
Then on to a bit of a lighter subject. Everyone has different habits with money. Debt can be one of those habits, but it can be used well or unwisely. Impulse shopping, the ability or inability to save. These are all aspects of money personalities you two can find out together. You might find that one of you is more willing and able to manage certain sides while another is better at another side. Find out your money personality, your partners, and where you’re compatible or where one of you can help the other.
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The splits
There are going to be lines split in a marriage, especially if you have kids. Someone’s career might take priority over another’s. Someone might be considered the breadwinner. But most important is finding the equal-but-different way to split the money. For instance, it’s rarely a good idea to share assets or debts, whereas it can be sensible to use a joint account to give yourself both a bit of personal spending money when you have it.
Your goals
What do you want to do with your money? That’s a big decision. If someone wants to eventually start a business or buy a dozen houses to live off, you need to know that now. Similarly, you need to make sure you’re considering potential family goals like your children’s future or your retirement. Setting off in the same direction financially is important.
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Protect one another
Full disclosure of debt is another part of this, but you have to come to the agreements of how you’re going to protect one another later, too. This might mean plans just in case one of you is the breadwinner and might have the risk of passing before the other. It might also mean working on wills now, not later, to avoid any potential disputes that could leave one of you deprived. It’s not the happiest of thoughts, but it’s an important dedication you might want to make to your partner.
You will likely have at least one disagreement or even an argument while having the discussions above. Be kind, be honest, and be willing to sleep on a few points. You need to come to some agreements if this is going to work.
